Wandering again
Pemberton, BC was home this last holiday weekend. I did something unusual for me. I stayed in one place for more than a single night. I relaxed. I vacationed. I slept without thinking about where I would ride or what tasks I must complete on the next day. I wandered Stanley Park after rolling through downtown Vancouver. I smiled at family with obviously adopted children. I applauded a marriage ceremony as the lovers held hands, beaming. I pulled cheese cake from a shiny fork. I enjoyed the cadence of languages from faraway lands. I ate steak with too much bread. I pulled the forest scent deep into my lungs. I sat in a hot tub, listening to others talk with closed eyes and a water jet pounding against my spine. I walked across rounded stones as water rushed by. I sat with quiet calm and felt the rain falling onto my face.
And I did many, many more things…
Evolution always takes place in fits and starts. Nothing is smooth or linear in this existence. I am evolving. I am growing. I am changing yet again. I am moving forward with a new lifeway, a new approach, a new view on things great and small.
I am learning.
I am learning to smile.
I am learning to see the possibilities.
I am learning to breathe without anger or the fear it masks.
I am learning to accept the emotional undercurrent of my existence.
I am learning to understand the alienation felt as a child is a corollary to my gifts.
I have so much more to learn.
I have made my choice.
I choose to live.
Some of you will not understand why.
Some of you will only be angry that I disappeared when you had other expectations.
Some of you will be relieved that my darkness no longer darkens your doorstep.
Some of you will embrace these changes.
And another 1000 miles passes through the rearview mirror.
Of course, there was a downside to this little adventure. I just woke up from a 13 hour sleep. Tuesday, I dragged my way through the work day. I was home, in bed by 17:30. Around 19:30 I responded to a txt msg, then I was out again. I recall a pit stop, but that might have been a dream walk. The next logical thought was when I looked at my alarm clock. It was 08:31. I guess I was tired…
